Posted first on www.onelist.com in the IL-Pagans forum
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Men Beat women because they don't know how to control their anger impulses and yes, they learned the behavior!
They are also a VERY hard group to change! Kind of like sex offenders I guess.
It is interesting for me that this topic came up at this time,
since I just attended a conference for clergy and domestic violence.
From what the experts there said, domestic violence isn't so much about anger control
(although this is often an element) but power over and a lack of reprocosity in a relationship.
There are often other abuses (sexual, drug, alcohol, animal, etc.) but that these are not the cause or an excuse.
Hitting is often the final stage of a long history of belittling, ignoring, redirecting, lack of compassion,
coercive control, sense of entitlement, etc., that escalates over time and has a distinct cycle to it
(honeymoon, tension, explosion) that may become shorter and shorter as time goes on.
They are a hard group to change (they say 3-5 years, minimum, during which the abuser's victim(s)
should not live with them) and there are not yet enough research to show if they are successful over long periods of time
(work with batterer's to turn them around has only been done in the last 5 or so years,
so much of this is preliminary and subject to change as more information is garnered).
The comparison to sex offenders is very accurate (and some are also that).
There is that same lack of seeing the victim as an equal or even a person and expressing power over them.
Someone can correct me on this one if I am wrong, but I believe studies show
that most people who beat up their spouse watched a parent beat up their spouse. Again- training.
I did get this disturbing bit from the Child Advocacy folks:
children who are raised in a domestic violence situation are *1000* times more likely to be abusive adults
or victims of domestic violence as adults (via partners, roommates, spouses, etc.).
The conference was an attempt by Cook County, IL to help catch this
before it gets to the court systems by informing clergy,
who can then inform their congregations and also perhaps catch these in the earlier stages and get help sooner,
before it escalates and people die.
kelley
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